February 16, 2013

Confessions like Usher

Confession 1: I watch Judge Judy. I am a Judge Judy fan through and through and I will never deny it nor will I ever turn my back on her. Nor will I ever watch it without sitting, eating dinner in the dark in true white trash form. It wouldn't be implausible to think I tune in to get my fix of run-of-the-mill drug scandals or perhaps for some good old fashioned domestic disputes, but in reality it's because I take great enjoyment in listening to Americans butcher the English language. Favorite line to date: "I borrowed him the money."

I heard Judge Judy makes some ridiculous amount of money, like $50 million dollars a year, which makes me a little mad and also a little happy.

Confession 2: To me, Catfish on MTV is the ultimate. I have yet to decide if my enjoyment stems from Nev's face or the fact that I feel smarter than 100% 95% of the people on the show. I am very good at predicting what is going to happen and, in my humble opinion, excel at giving them advice from my couch.

"No! Don't knock on the door! I can promise you it's not going to be that hot chick you've been talking to, it's going to be a man! Oh my god it's a man."

Confession 3: Please know that I agonized whether or not to broadcast this on the internet. However, I pushed all better judgement aside because it's really just too good. You're welcome.

A couple weekends ago, in an attempt to do something honorable and philanthropic, I donated some cookies to my friend's nonprofit organization that helps children in Narobi, Kenya, for a fundraiser. But instead of, I don't know, doing a quick Google search for the flag of Narobi, I decided instead to just tap into my trusty memory, which resulted in me decorating them to look like the South African flag. I then proceeded to send them on their merry little way to the fundraiser so the entire world could get a good laugh at my expense. Gooooo team South Africa?

Also, I just now remember that while in Thailand my roommate and I met some very nice South Africans, one of which gave her some unrecognizable pills to help with cramps after he claimed to be a doctor. We were in a really rundown apartment near the bathrooms at the full moon party. This should probably be confession #4 because it's one of the stupider things we did in Thailand (sike). But I feel ok talking about it because she didn't die.

Mom if you're reading this I'm totes just kidding?